Tantra & Moral Harm

 

Every human experience and interaction in our lives has the potential to cause trauma or harm. Tantra, like all other spiritual paths and/or religions, is no exception. A student’s experience when encountering a Tantric teacher is shaped by the expectations and beliefs the student has formed prior to meeting the teacher.


Expectations & Experiences

Our expectations, beliefs, and past experiences determine the quality of our current experiences. This applies to various aspects of life, such as a visit to the doctor, our relationships with family, the books and films we consume, and every interaction we have with the external world. When our experiences do not align with our expectations, we may feel disappointment, pleasant surprise, astonishment, or even shock.

The correlation between reality (what is) and our expectations (our ideas of how things “should” be) influences our emotions, thoughts, and reactions to experiences.

Recently, we have seen increasing discussions in (social) media about individuals’ experiences in various Tantric activities. When these experiences align with participants’ expectations and beliefs, they are perceived as pleasant and desirable. Conversely, when experiences conflict with expectations and beliefs, they are perceived as unpleasant and undesirable.

The diversity of experiences among participants in the same activity, with the same teacher, proves there is no singular, absolute experience that holds true for everyone. This demonstrates that an experience is not a truth but rather subjective and limited.

An experience is shaped not only by our beliefs and expectations but also by our level of awareness, life experiences, personal history, and cultural and social norms and values.


Moral Harm

When the outcome of an interaction with an authoritative figure (e.g., teacher, therapist, coach, police officer, etc.) is perceived as unpleasant, we can refer to it as moral harm. Similar to psychological trauma, moral harm describes an (extreme) experience—often unprecedented—that conflicts with our expectations.

Moral harm also encompasses the damaging results of such unpleasant experiences. Moral harm arises when an experience violates our deeply held beliefs and moral or ethical expectations. These expectations are often deeply ingrained in our hearts, including religious, spiritual, cultural, social, and regional values.

Such violations are frequently experienced as traumatic. Moral harm results from actions or experiences that shatter our moral and ethical expectations regarding honesty and the value of life.

Sexual “abuse” (where abuse is a subjective experience) often involves someone the victim knows and trusts. For example, a soldier trusts the system that sends them to fight; similarly, a victim of sexual “abuse” often trusts the person who caused the harm. In both cases, there is an element of shared participation—the individuals responsible for causing harm (the “perpetrators”) may not always recognize or agree with the perspective that they have committed a serious wrong.

Moreover, survivors (the “victims”) of sexual harassment and assault often feel guilty about the event and may punish themselves physically, mentally, or emotionally. This guilt can lead to aggressive communication toward the “perpetrator” and a desire for revenge, often taking the form of “social shaming” or legal action.

In essence, the victim seeks justice that aligns with their expectations, opinions, and beliefs. However, this pursuit can sometimes result in unjust treatment, potentially destroying someone’s reputation—or worse, their life.


Expectations in Spiritual Development

The Dalai Lama has spoken about one of the greatest obstacles on the path of spiritual growth: the expectations a student holds toward their teacher.

Students often want to control their learning process and feel safe during their spiritual journey. However, this need for security is fundamentally at odds with the essence of spiritual growth, which always takes place outside the student’s comfort zone.

To feel safe, students often create an idealized image of the teacher in their minds, shaped by their expectations and fantasies. They place the teacher in an invisible cage constructed from their own thoughts and needs.

When the teacher does not conform to this cage or refuses to meet the student’s expectations, moral harm often results. The student refuses to take responsibility for the situation and blames the teacher. This dynamic is comparable to the relationship between a parent and child, where the child cannot see their role in the conflict and reacts from a victim mentality, placing responsibility on the authority figure.

Every interaction between two or more people requires shared responsibility.


“Everything is Right ~ Always”

The foundation of Maha Kundalini Tantra’s approach to moral harm is rooted in one of the core principles of Tantra: Everything is Right ~ Always. This principle holds that everything that happens in our lives is meant to guide and support our spiritual and/or personal growth. Every event is a lesson, and every person we meet is a teacher.

Tantra advises: “Choose instead of judge.”

This principle is simple: every judgment is based on subjective opinion. Opinions are shaped by biography, life experiences, norms, beliefs, expectations, and cultural, religious, and social backgrounds. These are not truths.

Instead of adhering to these illusions, we can exercise free will by making choices.

  • If you desire a certain experience in your life: participate.

  • If you do not desire a certain experience in your life: disengage and do not participate.

In any case, never place responsibility on someone else. You are responsible for your life experiences. Your life experiences are the result of your thoughts, expectations, actions, and choices.

We can never be 100% certain that our choices will create experiences that align with our expectations. We cannot control the infinite flow of life. There always were, are, and will be people who “misuse” the trust of others. This cannot be prevented or stopped.

Every individual has different norms and values. The duty of every adult is to take full responsibility for their thoughts, actions, choices, and life experiences.


A Balanced Perspective on Moral Harm

Listening to stories of moral harm without criticism, blame, or judgment is a key element in fostering moral reform.

You are the creator of your life. Carry your responsibility with pride and vitality.

  • You create your pain.

  • You create your happiness.

  • Your response to life’s events determines the quality of your life.


Note: The content of this article reflects an opinion, not a universal truth. Therefore, it is not useful to judge this article; you can simply ask yourself: “Do I agree or disagree?”