The Love test:

Discover the Hidden Truth About Your Love

Love is a word we use all the time, but have you ever stopped to think about what it really means? In reality, love has two very different meanings—almost opposites—yet we often use the same word for both. This can sometimes lead to confusion, especially in our relationships.

The Two kinds of Love

The first kind of love is what we’ll call Pure Love. This is the kind of love that flows from a deep place of kindness, care, and generosity. It’s about giving, not taking. It’s the love you feel when you help someone in need, when you comfort a friend, or when you show kindness to a stranger. It’s the warmth of a hug, the joy of giving without expecting anything in return. Think about the love behind a mother’s care, the compassion of charity work, or the simple act of holding the door open for someone. This love isn’t about what you get—it’s about what you give, and how that giving fills your heart in return.

The second kind of love is quite different. It’s what we might call Selfish Love—but not in a bad way! This kind of love is about enjoying something that makes you happy or gives you pleasure. It’s the way we say, “I love chocolate,” or “I love my favorite show.” This kind of love is about pleasure, about feeling good, about fulfilling the wishes of your senses and ego. And while there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the things that make life fun, sometimes, this type of love can show up in our relationships in a way that causes disharmony and pain.

For example, when we say, “I love this person,” sometimes what we really mean is, “I love the way they make me feel¨ or ¨ I love this person gives me”. Of course, feeling happy in a relationship is a wonderful thing! But if love is mostly about what we get, rather than what we give, it can lead to attachment, jealousy, or even heartbreak. When we rely on someone else to make us happy, we can become possessive, afraid of losing them, or even upset when they don’t meet our expectations. This can create cycles of hurt and disappointment.

On the other hand, Pure Love isn’t about needing—it’s about caring. It’s love that exists not because of what someone does for you, but because you genuinely care for their well-being. It’s love that lifts, heals, and supports. It doesn’t cling or demand—it simply gives. And in giving, it becomes something truly beautiful.

Of course, relationships often contain a mix of both types of love. The key is to recognize the difference and to choose to cultivate more Pure Love in our lives. This doesn’t mean being endlessly self-sacrificing or allowing others to take advantage of you. Pure Love is not about loving without boundaries—it’s about loving with wisdom, kindness, and self-respect.

One of the best ways to practice Pure Love is through The Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” This simple principle reminds us to love in a way that is generous, kind, and understanding. It means being compassionate, being patient, and giving to others in a way that brings joy rather than expectation.

At the heart of it all, love is at its best when it is unselfish and free. When we let go of the need to take and instead focus on giving, we find that love becomes more fulfilling, more peaceful, and more powerful than we ever imagined.

Love is not just about feeling good—it’s about making the world a better, kinder place, one act of love at a time.

Self-Test: How Much Pure Love is in Your Relationship?

Take this short self-test to better understand the balance between Pure Love and Selfish Love in your relationship. Answer the 20 questions below on a scale from 1 to 5 (1 = not at all, 5 = completely true). Add up your total score at the end to get a percentage of Pure Love in your relationship.

Scoring & Interpretation

Your total score represents the percentage of Pure Love in your relationship.

80 – 100 points (80% – 100% Pure Love): Your love is mostly Pure Love!
You have a strong foundation of deep care, trust, and kindness in your relationship. Keep nurturing this connection and continue to love with freedom and respect.
50 – 79 points (50% – 79% Pure Love): Your relationship has a mix of Pure and Selfish Love.
There is love and generosity, but also some expectations and conditions. This is normal! Focus on giving without expecting and allowing love to flow freely.
30 – 49 points (30% – 49% Pure Love): Your relationship leans more toward Selfish Love.
Love might feel conditional or possessive. Work on releasing control, accepting your partner as they are, and giving love without expecting something in return.
Below 30 points (Less than 30% Pure Love): Your love may be based largely on self-gratification.
This could indicate possessiveness, control, or an imbalance in love. But don’t worry—awareness is the first step! Start practicing small, intentional acts of Pure Love, and your relationship can transform.

Everyday Relationship Dynamics

When my partner is happy, I feel genuinely happy for them, even if their joy has nothing to do with me.
I support my partner’s dreams and goals, even when they don’t directly benefit me.
If my partner needs space or time alone, I respect it without feeling insecure.
When we have disagreements, I focus on finding solutions instead of proving I’m right.
I accept my partner as they are, rather than trying to change them to fit my needs.
I feel secure in my love and do not act out of jealousy or possessiveness.
My happiness does not depend entirely on my partner—I have my own sense of joy and fulfillment.
Is your relationship based on strict rules that, if broken, mean love or the relationship is over?
Does your relationship feel more like a cage than an open, free space?
Can you and your partner truly express your emotions without fear of judgment or rejection?
Do you trust your partner deeply, even in their absence, or do you feel the need to control them?
Are you in love with your partner’s soul, or with the way they make you feel?
If your partner stopped fulfilling your needs (emotional, physical, or otherwise), would you still love them just as much?
When your partner shares a problem, do you listen with empathy, or do you mentally prepare your response before they finish?
If your partner succeeds in life, do you celebrate with them, or do you feel a hint of resentment or competitiveness?
Does your relationship allow both of you to grow into your best selves, or does it limit who you can become?
Do you see your partner as an equal, or do you believe they exist to fulfill your needs and expectations? How do you react when they express independence or refuse to comply with what you want?
If your partner stopped prioritizing your desires, needs, or validation, would you still feel love for them—or would you feel betrayed, angry, or abandoned?
Do you secretly believe your partner “belongs” to you in some way? If they made choices about their body, lifestyle, friendships, or personal growth that you disagreed with, would you still respect and love them without resentment?
Do you feel that your partner’s thoughts, beliefs, and emotions are just as valid as yours, even when they completely disagree with you? Or do you find yourself trying to change their mind, dismiss their feelings, or convince them that your way of thinking is the “right” way?

Final Thoughts

Love thrives in freedom, understanding, and generosity. The goal is not perfection but growth—to create a love that is deeply caring, supportive, and free from conditions.

But to truly manifest Pure Love, there is one essential foundation: Self-Love.

You cannot pour from an empty cup; love must begin within. When you honor, nurture, and appreciate yourself, you create a strong and abundant inner world that allows you to give love freely—without neediness, expectation, or fear. Self-love teaches you that your worth is not dependent on another, that you are whole on your own, and that true love is about sharing, not seeking validation. Only when you truly love yourself can you offer love to others from a place of authenticity, strength, and peace.

The more love you give, the more love you receive—starting with yourself.